If you're going to plagiarize, we highly recommend NOT starting with the first lines of "A Tale of Two Cities"...
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• We discover a Filipino businessman who's way too busy to bother writing an original graduation speech... as if it takes a lot of thought to pen a speech for a bunch of seniors who are all busy wondering how drunk they're going to be in T-minus two hours.
• We'll review the latest album from Tennessee rapper and producer Count Bass D, his collaboration with DJ Pocket, In the Loop*, and pay tribute to Pittsburgh jazz great Stanley Turrentine on the anniversary of his birthday.
• Let our universal hatred of Duke unite us... unless you're a Duke graduate, which is really the only acceptable excuse if you're NOT rooting for Butler in tonight's championship game.
*contains a couple minor NSFW moments