New Music for This Week: Yasiin Bey, "Next Universe" (Remix)

"Light up the sky like the Fourth of July..."

I've been messing around making beats for about 15 years. It goes in fits and starts. I'll come back around to it once every 16 months or so and really get obsessed — like two years ago when I found a bunch of old recordings of in-store Kmart Christmas music that they used to play in the '70s and '80s and made an entire beat tape using samples from those songs.

But I don't have much to do with all of these beats. I might be a writer by trade, but I'm no MC, that's for damn sure. I'm a 40-year-old white dude who couldn't be less connected to the local hip-hop scene. And most of what I've seen is not so inspiring.

So why not just share them for now, right? The other thing I've collected over the years is tons of acapellas, mostly just random stuff I encountered back in the Wild-West days of the Web. Sometimes I got enough of one artist to cobble together a sort of collection. I was able to find all of the acapellas for one of my all-time favorite records, Freddie Gibbs' "Piñata," and I've done a bunch of stuff with those.

But I figure, may a well share one new song per week. So this week it's another of my favorite MCs, Yasiin Bey, p.k.a. Mos Def. I first heard "Next Universe" on the "Soundbombing II" mixtape. Not every rapper would sound at-home on the quirky beat I put together to remix this, but I think Bey does.

...In Which I Lay Waste to VH1's Pathetic '100 Greatest Artists of All Time' List...

According to VH1, out of 200 modern musicians surveyed, this is not, I repeat, NOT, one of the 100 greatest artists of all time. Seriously.

I shouldn't have watched it. I knew it would only upset me. But I had to. In a supposed survey of 200 modern musicians, VH1 attempted to compile its list of "The 100 Greatest Artists of All Time." Now, I'll be the first to say this is something that should be separated out by genre, especially once you starting getting into the top 15. There are too many great musicians in individual fields and too many apples-to-oranges comparisons to make it legit. (how the hell are you supposed to compare Jay-Z to the Rolling Stones?)

But VH1 tried. And failed. Miserably.

Here's a link to the list. I'll hit some of the highlights/lowlights and give my thoughts on various facets of the list.

To start, let's note right off the top that THERE ISN'T A SINGLE FUCKING JAZZ MUSICIAN ON THE ENTIRE LIST. That's right. No Miles Davis. No John Coltrane. One of the few forms of music that was truly invented in America is not represented IN ANY WAY on this list. I should also mention that there is not a single blues musician. No Robert Johnson, no Muddy Waters, no Howlin' Wolf. According to VH1, it makes no difference that if it weren't for those guys, there would be no Rolling Stones or Led Zeppelin, two of the top five on the list.

Christ on a cracker. On to the shame of it all...

Let's start with Category #1: Artists Who Should Absolutely Not Be On The List. That includes Depeche Mode (98), Journey (96), ABBA (81?! Are you fucking kidding me?!??), and Def Leppard (70 — we all get it, alright, it's hard to drum with one arm).

Moving on to Category #2: Artists Who Should Be Way Lower On the List. That includes U2 (19 — this is more of a personal opinion, but I think U2 might be the most overrated Bigtime Rock Band ever), AC/DC (23), Radiohead (29), The Police (40), Kiss (56 — and to be honest, Kiss is flirting with Category #1), and Pink Floyd (18 — I love me some "Dark Side of the Moon," but "The Wall" is probably the most overrated rock album of all time).

This one isn't really a category, but there's no fucking way Elvis should be higher on this list than Chuck Berry. And the only reason he is, is because record mogul Sam Phillips "wanted to bring African-American music to a wider audience," which of course means, "doing it without an actual black guy."

Category #3: Artists Who Should Be Way Higher On the List. This includes the Beastie Boys (89 — they should be at least as high as Run DMC at 76 or Jay-Z at 47), Curtis Mayfield (84), Otis Redding (68), Parliament-Funkadelic (49), Johnny Cash (35), The Band (85) and Aretha Franklin (27)

Category #4: Artists Inexplicably and Inexcusably Left Off the List. The following artists amazingly do not appear on the list at all: The Allman Brothers, the Grateful Dead, Paul Simon/Simon & Garfunkel, Miles Davis, John Coltrane, the Stanley Brothers, Fela Kuti, Booker T & the MGs, the Funk Brothers (okay, they were a backup band, but they backed up EVERY SINGLE MOTOWN ARTIST), MF Doom, Peter Tosh, Snoop Dogg, Lee "Scratch" Perry, Eric Clapton (although Cream made it at 61, so technically he's in... I've never been a huge Clapton fan, but he damn sure should be on here over AC/DC, the Velvet Underground, and Guns'n'Roses), Robert Johnson, and Dr. Dre.

Category #5: The Top Ten. Let's go through them one-by-one with commentary, shall we:

• #10 — Stevie Wonder — You get no argument from me there.

• #9 — James Brown — Ditto.

• #8 — Elvis — I reiterate, if you're going to put Elvis here, you have to put the man he stole rock'n'roll from at least one step above, cultural significance or not.

• #7 — Prince — Never been a huge Prince fan, but he did turn R&B and funk on its head in his own, very unique way.

• #6 — Jimi Hendrix — No problem with that. Hendrix did things with a guitar that no mortal man should be able to do.

• #5 — Bob Dylan — Probably should be #2 at the worst. Definitely should be above...

• #4 — Rolling Stones — Again, if you're not going to put blues masters like Johnson and Waters on this list, how are you going to include the group that owes its entire career to them? I love the Rolling Stones, but that just straight-up doesn't make sense.

• #3 — Led Zeppelin — Works for me.

• #2 — Michael Jackson — OK.

• #1 — The Beatles — Correct.

Taking into account that this is complete personal preference, my separated lists would probably go thusly, at least the first few entries:

• Rock: Beatles at the top, then Dylan, followed by, in no particular order, the Grateful Dead, the Allmans, Hendrix, Chuck Berry, a begrudging nod to Elvis, Zeppelin, Springsteen, Stones

• R&B/Soul/Funk: Michael Jackson, James Brown, Marvin Gaye, Curtis Mayfield, Stevie Wonder, Prince, the Funk Brothers, Aretha Franklin, Parliament-Funkadelic, Fela Kuti

• Hip-Hop: Run DMC, Beastie Boys, MF Doom, Snoop Dogg/Dr. Dre (they should probably be packaged up, since together they basically ushered in the gangsta-rap era), Nas, Jay-Z, Biggie, Tupac

128 Oz. of Haterade: Rundown, Vol. 2

Well... I know this blog has a little bit of readership in the Philly area, and I don't want to alienate any readers, so I won't go off on a tangent about Scott Hartnell and his fake-ass-drip-drip jheri curl, and really the entire Flyers squad, ruining my trip to the Penguins' home opener last night. Just want to drop a few quick reviews on some local Pittsburgh hip-hop talent, along with other records that are making their way through the current rotation:

• Vinny Radio, The Foundation/Slim Stario, A Star is Born - I highly recommend checking out both of these free mixtapes by Pittsburgh MCs. Vinny Radio rocks more uptempo, bouncy tracks, mainly supplied by producer P. Fish, to pair with his baritone flow, while Slim Stario slows things down with a heavier, grittier feel. Click on the links above to download both free albums.

• Dave Holland Octet, Pathways - You can't argue with a bass player who's gigged with Miles Davis and Herbie Hancock, just to name two. England son Dave Holland has put in more than four decades of work, and it shows in the shifty tempos of his compositions, whether they're by way of his quartets, quintets, or big-band arrangements. His latest octet record, Pathways, continues that tradition of excellence in a live setting, whether it's the burbling, chunky bass-walk that begins "How's Never?" or the lilting swing that rides through "Sea of Marmara." For me, what makes Holland's band so appealing is the inclusion of vibraphonist/marimbist (is that last one a word? Not sure) Steve Nelson, whose limber lines snake through the melody in all the best ways.

• Soulive, Rubber Soulive - Soulive has yet to release an album that I don't like. If there was going to be one, I was initially concerned that a record of Beatles covers might be it. It's not. You never heard "Revolution" be as funky as this. The audio clarity is a little muddy at times, but it's a solid set of Fab Four covers that James Brown would be proud of.

• Boog Brown & Apollo Brown, Brown Study - Apollo Brown already impressed me with The Reset. This set of tunes with female MC Boog Brown is just as good. Unfortunately, it's all too rare to find a high-quality female MC, but Boog definitely fits the bill.

128 Oz. of Haterade: 'Meta-Historical,' by KRS-One & True Master

"I'll splatter my data on rappers that don't matter..."

KRS-One can divide hip-hop fans. Some view him as a righteous teacher-MC who has been broadcasting truth from New York City streets for more than two decades. Some view him as an overly preachy defender of a brand of hip-hop whose time may have passed.

A song titled "Gimme the '90s" isn't going to help dispel those who subscribe to the latter group. Seven skits with the Blastmaster holding court, on everything from true hip-hop to the N-word to white fear of the black man, isn't going to help, either.

But pairing up with Wu-disciple True Master for a collab album definitely helps. Once only counted among the sonic architects of the disastrous sophomore Gravediggaz record, "The Pick, the Sickle and the Shovel," True Master eventually came into his own as a credible producer, and his simple, effective loops match well with KRS's flow.

Is it kind of annoying as he philosophizes on "Palm & Fist" about metaphysical reality? Kind of. Then again, listening to some excellently casual boasting on "One of Them Days" had me bobbing my head like the first time I heard "Rappaz R.N. Dainja."

KRS's overarching philosophy is on diplay in "Old School Hip Hop": "Back in the days we threw it like this on 'em/Beats and rhymes you didn't have to wish for 'em/Beats and rhymes today you gotta fish for 'em/'Cause most rappers traded ass and tits for 'em." Now that right there is some truth, and while Kris can sometimes get a little too professor-ish, it's nuggets of greatness like those few lines that keep him near the top of any great-MCs list.

Meta-Historical coalesces best in the form of "1-2, Here's What We Gonna Do," as RZA drops by for one of his best verses in years and True Master loops a forlorn guitar; it also shines on the title track, where KRS explores history in all its forms and importance.

Is it a perfect record? No. It limps out with a couple of clunkers ("Street Rhymer," "He's Us"), but along the way, it's a good reminder of why hip-hoppers still love KRS-One.

• Listen to samples from Meta-Historical on Amazon

128 Oz. of Great-erade: 'The Basics EP,' by DTMD (Dunc & Toine Makin' Dollars)

Comin' from Prince George's County, Md., right in the middle of the DMV, Dunc & Toine Makin' Dollars, a.k.a. DTMD, is a duo to watch for in the years to come.

Granted, I'm about eight months' late in discovering their excellent EP, The Basics, but I can't pass up the chance to recommend that you go to Bandcamp.com RIGHT NOW and cop the free download.

Production heads may recognize Dunc as the architect behind the clipped soul of "The Shining," from the excellent Diamond District record featuring X.O., yU and Oddisee, who has gone out of his way to rightly hype DTMD.

"I MC/I must create microphone classics/Metaphysical craftsman with musical captions/Relaxin', lettin' the draft in/The in smoke out what we ashin'/The ganja/In rap, I'm a monster/N****s comin' back like karma/But y'all gon' pay for it like a sponsor/In the element of irrelevance and drama/The current testament was heaven-sent to calm ya," Toine raps over the smooth, wavering synths of "Fantastic," kicking a verse that belies the fact that neither he nor Dunc are even 21 yet.

It would be unfair to pigeonhole DTMD as a "nerd-rap" group, but that is undoubtedly the demographic to which they will most likely appeal. That said, if you're a real hip-hop fan, chances are you'll find something to like in the horns and guitars of "Champion," the conga-syncopated bounce of "What That Mean" or the Roots-ish vibe of the closer, "Above the Clouds."

Add to that a great video and better lyrics for a song that doesn't appear on the EP, "Loan for the Lonely," and you'll see DTMD as a couple hungry youngsters that deserve your time.

• DTMD on Bandcamp.com (download the EP for free here)

• Dunc's Donuts on Blogger.com

DTMD - A Loan For The Lonely from dunc & toine makin' dollas on Vimeo.

128 Oz. of Great-erade: 'Off the Grid,' by Dinner at the Thompson's

French singer Lucille Tee and Cali-based producer Fablive have combined to put together one of the best Franco-U.S. collaborations since French fries, a heady, psych- and hip-hop-influenced soul record that oozes cool.

Tee's vocal presence is like a less-nasal Erykah Badu, but with the same penchant for breathy, multilayered harmonies. But where Badu, for the most part, stays grounded in soul and R&B, even when working with hip-hoppers like Madlib, Dinner at the Thompson's sound on Off the Grid has the heavy knock to support a guest MC like Guilty Simpson, who shows up on the swinging "Rice'n'Beans."

Fablive's intricate production - which this particular reviewer would love to see paired up with any number of MCs - weaves hip-hop, jazz-soul, bits of electro and a heavy dose of modern psychedelia into the mix. On tracks like the twitchy "Levitating," the synth-stabbing "Whatever It Takes" and the uptempo "Different Beings" (featuring modern funkateer Lee Fields), the music is unerringly catchy, diverse and accomplished.

Three short, hidden tracks following the closer, "You are Love," also hint at the great potential this duo has to expand their range into solidly hip-hop territory.

Sit down to a little Dinner at the Thompson's; it's a well-prepared meal.

• Dinner at the Thompson's on MySpace

128 Oz. of Haterade: 'The 7th Hour,' by 7th 7ign

It's a mixed blessing to hear a forlorn soul loop as the backing for "Spinning Wheel," the opening track from Wu-affiliate 7th 7ign's (Sign's) debut record, 7th Hour. On one hand, for an old Wu head like myself, it's a refreshing bit of nostalgia. On the other hand, there's always the chance that new-school hip-hoppers will accuse him of trying in vain to recapture the Wu's glory days.

To be sure, 7th Hour isn't going to surpass Enter the 36 Chambers on your top-albums list, but neither is it simply a throwaway Wu-crew record. 7th 7ign has a commanding vocal presence, creating interesting, slightly-cryptic verses, without descending into the massively-obscure arena that Killah Priest permanently occupies. And the production settles nicely between RZA's baroque, tortured soul and the muddy, lo-fi sound of the Killa Bees compilation records.

In particular, tracks like "Everyman Bleeds," "This is War" and "Spinning Wheel" stand out as promising examples of where 7th 7ign can go when he wants:

"The wheel starts spinning/The end is the beginning/Constant motivation my world's in rotation/My fam comes first/React you get hurt/'Cause the first shall be last and the last shall be first."

That's some old-school Wu shit right there, and it's always welcome in my record collection.

• 7th 7ign on Myspace

128 Oz. of Haterade: 'George Kush Da Button,' by Smoke DZA

'The connect's confidential and the weed's continental..."

If you're about to throw on the new Smoke DZA joint expecting political allegory about the Bush Years and the War on Drugs... well, you're in for some disappointment. George Kush Da Button is pretty much about weed.

No matter, though. What you do get from the Harlem rapper is a laidback mixtape with a bit of an executive-lounge soundscape... no surprise considering the primary producer is Ski Beatz, the architect behind much of Jay-Z's Big Willie sound on Reasonable Doubt.

Hints of this excellent sound were on display with DZA's April 2010 EP, Substance Abuse 1.5: The Headstash, and to a lesser extent on the original Substance Abuse, which came out in February 2010. Matter of fact, this Smoke DZA cat has been pretty prolific in the past 365 days!

George Kush, though, is his most polished effort to date, despite its mixtape status. Ski, along with Kenny Beats, G14, Big K.R.I.T. and Steve-O (not that Steve-O... at least I don't think so), provide a solid bedrock of lower-midtempo head-nodders, providing ample space for DZA to wax philosophic about smoking, and the things he does before and after smoking.

Big K.R.I.T.'s beats on tracks like "I'm Saying" and "The Secret" up the BPMs a little, and lean more toward the radio-friendly side of things, but it's Ski's loping loops on songs like "We On," "Continental Kush Breakfast" and "Etc Etc" that comprise George Kush's best moments. Additionally, Steve-O slows down the loop for Masta Ace Inc.'s "Turn It Up" to nice effect on the introspective "My Life."

Is it a perfect record? No. The weed theme starts to wear a little thin after a while, but it's more of a constant presence than a unified theme. After all, this is an MC who named his first two releases Substance Abuse, and who notes confidently in "We On": "I don't care about your problems, n****/I just wanna smoke my weed/And we on this year/Give a f*** what other n****s want this year/I just wanna smoke a zone this year/Roll it up/Take a flight and we almost there."

• Smoke DZA at Amazon.com

• Listen to tracks and download George Kush Da Button at DJBooth.net

128 Oz. of Haterade: 'Teflon Don,' by Rick Ross

This isn't the album cover, but it shoulda been...

Negligible corrections-officer past aside, I have kind of a soft spot for Rick Ross (pause). I don't really have much use for his raps, but his producers have occasionally done what I think is a pretty good job taking Jay-Z's debut 'Big Willie' aesthetic and sound, and slowing it down a little. On tracks like "Magnificent" and "Yacht Club," from Deeper Than Rap, a '96 Jay verse wouldn't sound out of place at all. His guest spot on Teflon Don's "Free Mason" is equally well-matched... although Jay spends his bars dispelling the winter's Freemason/devil-worship rumors, while Rick sort of courts it... the Freemason part, at least. Although me personally, I wouldn't equate "Maybach Music" with building the pyramids...

Anyway, when he's not flossing over heavy downtempo thudders, the executive-lounge atmosphere is definitely still in effect: in the smoothness of DJ Clark Kent's beat for "Super High" and the rough-edged bounce of the Drake-assisted "Aston Martin." J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League handle the latter, as well the bulk of the production. Unfortunately, none of Raphael Saadiq's recent Motown vibe rubs off in his guestwork on the closer, "All the Money in the World," but as Rick Ross albums go, well... if you liked the first two, you'll probably like this one.

128 Oz. of Haterade: 'The War Report 2,' by Capone-N-Noreaga

Swapping camo doesn't make it fresh...

Does it matter that the cover of The War Report 2 is almost, literally, the same as the original thugged-out classic War Report record? Not really. Raekwon basically did the same thing, thinly veiling Cuban Linx II with a new cover color.

And despite the carping of cats who think it's doing a disservice to listeners to try and "remake" your classic record, it doesn't even matter to me that "Pain" and "Bodega Dreams," the first two tracks off War Report 2: Report the War (really...?), sound very similar to "Blood Money" in their use of ghostly piano.

But The War Report came out 13 years ago in '97, when metaphorical references to the Queensbridge ghetto as Iraq didn't carry quite the same type of weight that they would today. And although a hip-hop record exploring parallels between America's war and the struggle of urban youth does have some appeal, don't expect that here.

Backed by a few Scram Jones productions, a banging-but-out-of-place Buckwild track and a handful of lesser-known producers (M3, Araab Muzik, SPK, Neo da Matrix and others), most of War Report 2 consists of the type of warmed-over crime tales Nore was spinning on his solo debut. Three guest spots from Raekwon lend a little authenticity to the proceedings, and it's not like Capone and Noreaga don't have plenty of source material for their rhymes... but a meandering focus and production that recalls some of the more plasticized, hollow moments from QB mates Mobb Deep holds War Report 2 down a little.

The recastings get a little old as well. "Thug Planet" is a boring throwback to "Superthug," and I imagine if I had listened to Nore's other solo work, I would find more derivative stylings.

The final two tracks on The War Report 2, "The Corner" and "Obituary," slow things down and finally bring a little emotion to the proceedings, particularly the latter, where Nore talks about 2009 being a bad year for losing rappers and "having a phone book full of ghosts."

All told, I would give War Report 2 a B minus. Its heart is in the right place, and while you can go home again, you can't always stop your parents from turning your bedroom into a media library.

P.S. What's up with Capone's voice? He had a nice, ashy-but-smoove thing going in the original War Report. So how did his voice get higher since then? Did he have electro-shock therapy when he was locked down?

Back in Biznass!

Well, not exactly in business... it's still a non-commercial podcast, but we'll be back this Monday with a brand-new show, including an interview with Brooklyn rapper PackFM (above), whose new record, I F*%!ing Hate Rappers, will be released in stores on June 16.

We're not going back to the daily weekday format, but the hope is to bring you a weekly podcast, featuring interviews with artists of all stripes, along with album reviews, and the occasional odd news and sports items.

As always, if you have a show idea or there's someone you'd like us to try and interview, email the show at thebeatdoctor@verizon.net!

FREE DOWNLOAD: 'Pimpslapp'd!': A Horrifyingly-Inappropriate Valentine's Day Mix

If you're considering this mix as a last-minute Valentine's gift for your girl who loves music, I cannot stress this enough: DON'T.

Okay, so I don't want anyone to get overly offended, so let me just say first: this is intended as a joke, and there's a story behind it.

Back in the day, in high school, I had a female friend who was fairly big into feminism and women's liberation; which I'm all for. But she also wasn't above taking some good-natured ribbing about it. And it was the Golden Age of East Coast hip-hop and gangsta-rap, so my way of ribbing was generally to whip up mixtapes of the most misogynistic songs I could track down, and play them when we were hanging out or driving somewhere.

At first she would pretend to be offended, but a short time later, we're rolling down the road with her yelling "B*tches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks!"

So that's the humorous place from whence this particular mix comes. It ranges from Too $hort to Biggie to Snoop Dogg and plenty of people you may not have even heard of before. And there are actually some positive songs here as well (for example, both of the Jeru da Damaja songs differentiate between ladies and "b*tches," a distinction many other entries here do not make).

Regardless, it's my Valentine's Day present to one and all. However, for fans of the podcast, there are no censor bleeps here... each and every song on the mix has explicit lyrics galore. So, for my father, who has been playing the podcast during his shift at the coffee shop, I CANNOT STRESS HOW INAPPROPRIATE THAT WOULD BE. And, I suppose, if you're planning on breaking up with your girl for V-Day, this would be perfect to leave in her mailbox.

Otherwise, enjoy some of the most willfully-ignorant, X-rated, misogynistic hip-hop you're likely to hear! CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD! (link will be active until Feb. 20)

• Snoop Dogg Intro

• 
Prince Paul - Dimepieces

• Quasimoto - Hydrant Game

• J. Dilla - Crushin'

• Biggie - Dreams of F***** an R&B B*****

• Thirstin Howl III - Dreams of F***** a Cartoon B****

• Jeru da Damaja - Da Bichez

• Jeru da Damaja - Me or the Papes

• Too $hort - C***tales

• Xzibit, Jayo Felony & Method Man - P**** Pop

• 2Pac - All Bout U

• Prince Paul - Beautiful Night

• Ant Banks - The Drunken Fool

• ODB - Got Your Money

• DJ Quik - Down Down Down

• Snoop Dogg - Fresh Pair of Panties

• Junior M.A.F.I.A. - We Don't Need It

• DJ Quik - I Useta Know Her

• Snoop Dogg - It Ain't No Fun

• ODB - Dog S***

• Redman - Soopermanluva, Pt. 3 (Pt. 2)

• Biggie - One More Chance

• Celly Cel - Skanlezz Azz Bytchez

• Snoop Dogg Outro

Musical Country of the Year 2009: Ethiopia

"Only Ethiopia protect we from the cold..." - Buju Banton

Yes I. This year's musical country of the year takes us back to the cradle of civilization. I have to give it up to Ethiopia, primarily because of four things: Ras G, KenLo, the Heliocentrics and Oh No's sophomore beat record, Ethiopium.

The first two were beatmakers who I really got into this past year. Both create a wavering, dusty-but-digital sound that feeds off of J. Dilla but throws in a heavy dash of electronic, ambient noise and static.

Ras G is definitely the dustier of the two, whipping up a muddy, frazzled electric brand of hip-hop on the excellent Beats of Mind. KenLo's fourth Craqnuques volume, Orange, is high-flying, future-soul hip-hop, skittering and blipping back and forth. He also teamed up with like-minded producer VLooper for two quality volumes of Bullesbubbles instrumentals (all of them are available for free, by the way, via KenLo and VLoopers' MySpace pages).

And Oh No crafted some nasty bangers on Ethiopium. I was impressed at what he was able to do with Turkish records last time around, so giving him access to a back catalog of Ethiopian funk and jazz (just having access to the Ethiopiques series alone would be worth it) could only have resulted in fire.

And on top of all this, jazz-funk outfit the Heliocentrics collaborated with Ethiopian pianist Mulatu Astatke on probably my favorite release of the bunch, Inspiration Information, a shit-hot set of tense grooves augmented by Malcolm Catto's neck-snap drumming and the Heliocentrics' knob-tweaking atmospherics.

So here's to Ethiopia, baby!

FREE HOLIDAY DOWNLOAD: The 'Blitzen & the Hoof Gang' Mixtape

'Dunkin' on that reindeer, dunkin' on that reindeer...'

In honor of the only Christmas commercials to ever surpass the old-school Eat'n'Park sentimental fave - and in tribute to my folks, who split my early Christmas present with me, the Hercules beat mixer - I present a special holiday gift to one and all: 'Blitzen & the Hoof Gang: the Mixtape,' a blend of hip-hop to liven up the holiday, mixed in with bits of "Bad Santa" and the three Nike MVPuppets back-and-forth diss raps between Santa, a.k.a. The Blastmaster KRS-One, and Blitzen, a.k.a. Lupe Fiasco.

Click here to download, courtesy of YouSendIt.com. The link is good until Dec. 30.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

("That was Mrs. Lewis from downstairs...... she said YOUAIN'TGOTNODEFENSE!!!")


Greatest.... Christmas Commercial.... Ever

This tops my previous favorite, the Eat'n'Park 'Christmas Star Needs Help' commercial. That one will always be the sentimental favorite, but how can you argue with the Nike puppets, Kris Kringle vs. the Reindeer in hoops and the Almighty Alrighty KRS-One as Santa?

Also, "Dunkin' on that reindeer/Dunkin' on that reindeer" has surpassed "Dat baby don't look like me" as my favorite chopped-and-screwed phrase.