128 Oz. of Haterade: My Imagination Reviews Busta Rhymes' 'Back on My B.S.'

Has Busta Rhymes really ever made a song as good as "Woo-Hah"?

So I've listened to a total of about 13 seconds of Back on My Bullshit, if you don't count however long "Arab Money" is, so I feel uniquely qualified to pass harsh critical judgment on it. My imagination will now review the entire record based solely on randomly-selected song titles and guest appearances. Making this doubly ignorant is the fact that I actually have the album here, ready to listen to, but thus far, I have steadfastly refused requests (from myself) to listen to it. I'm just not that interested:

•  Wheel of Fortune - I have high hopes that this is a song which samples the cool horns and wheel clicks from Kay Starr's 1940s-era song of the same name (I myself have crafted quite a nice little beat from snatches of that song as well), but fat chance. If things hold true to form, this should be about some insanely-cultivated end-of-the-world scenario, about how "there's only five years left" (that was 13 years ago, by the way), and it will have absolutely no chance of measuring up to the best of those intros, from Extinction Level Event.

•  Give 'Em What They Askin' For - Unless what they're asking for is a tinny, minimalist beat, this song will not live up to its title.

•  Respect My Conglomerate (featuring Jadakiss and Lil' Wayne) - This continues the long tradition of Busta Rhymes using words that don't really mean what he thinks. A conglomerate is defined as "two or more firms engaging in entirely different business," not "two guest rappers on a rap track." Bussa Buss would probably describe it as "droppin' a million and one stony rocks on n*ggas like a fuckin' hailstorm." Someone get this man a dictionary.

•  Hustler's Anthem '09 (feat. T-Pain) - Okay, so I actually listened to this song, and it's alright. What it should be about is the dubious necessity of tagging "'09" onto a song that 1) is being released in 2009 and 2) has no predecessor

• Kill Dem (feat. Pharrell and Tosh) - Hopefully, this song is done completely in Jamaican patois. Let me double down on that and hope that, in the future, Busta releases a full album in patois. He can definitely speak the slang, and it would open up a whole new range of producer and guests for him.

• Arab Money - I had to listen to this one, just to see if one of the six bazillion remixes Busta recorded following the Internet fallout over the original would show up here. But no, they went with the full-on West Texas "A-rab" version. Nice.

• Decision (featuring Jamie Foxx, Mary J. Blige, John Legend and Common) - I think it's kind of funny how Common just gets shitted on and listed last (he doesn't get listed at ALL on Amazon.com). I mean, going after Mary J. is one thing, but Jamie Foxx??

My imagination's final review is two-and-a-half stars out of a possible five. Busta's best days are clearly behind him, and while he has a fat Rolodex and can round up plenty of superstars to fill out an album, those old Busta songs that made you go "What the fuck? That shit is ill!" - like the first time you heard "Gimme Some More" - are long gone.