A Look Back at Season 5 of 'Game of Thrones' So Far [S1-5 SPOILERS]

This seems to be a lot of people's general

feeling about the season... I disagree.

Scattered. Slow. Silly. Those are a few of the words I've seen used to describe the fifth season of HBO's "Game of Thrones." 

I have my gripes. The Dorne storyline so far, which has amounted to some titties and a pimpish elbow to Bronn's jaw...  Littlefinger did a wee bit of scheming and then broke the fuck out... Sansa's second wedding night... SHIREEN... but with less than a week before the S5 finale, I want to take a look at this season thus far and take stock of what we've actually seen, which to me is a lot of growth on the part of plenty characters and groups.

In no particular order:

"For the night is dark, and full of terrors. Mostly me. I seem to be the one causing most of the terror around here." — Melisandre

Okay, so I added that last part, but tell me you wouldn't have loved to see Stannis strap that shadow-baby-making, penis-leech-applying pyromaniac cuckolder onto the pyre instead of HIS OWN EVERLOVIN' DAUGHTER. I was neutral on Stannis for a while, and even though Something Terrible has been telegraphed for Shireen since at least last season, I was really hoping for another patented GRRM Switch-Up, and Melisandre suggesting a little flame-broiled daughter would be the last straw for Stannis. A couple seasons back, her Red buddy Thoros of Myr seemed to regard Melisandre as an alright chick, but my personal theory is that she's some kind of succubus, twisting the Red God's ways to her own purpose.

• Stannis — Well, he's just kind of the latest Guy We All Want to See Die Horribly, right? I mean, surely no one wants him to sit on the Iron Throne anymore. In many ways, Stannis' hardass-decisive nature — at least according to what the show has presented — makes him exactly the wrong man to sit in that chair. 

Think of the "Great Kings of Westeros" this story has presented us with or told us about: Aerys the Igniter of Men, Women and Children, Robert the Drunken Absentee Ruler, Joffrey the Hateful Shit and Tommen the Puberty-Stricken Sulker. There isn't a true king among them, and I find that very interesting. Frequently we see that there's "power behind the throne," but in all cases here, the king himself does precious little in the way of truly taking the reins of the kingdom, and doesn't seem to have the wherewithal to do so if he wanted.

Stannis has grown into a true monstrosity in his lust to fulfill this perceived destiny of ruling. He went from shushing Melisandre to watching her fire up the Weber a little too quickly for my liking, but as I said, he's the wrong man for the throne, even if he's the rightful heir at this point. 

• Arya — Lots of complaints about her Braavosi internship this season in the comment sections. Some people think her entire arc this season will be pointless if she goes after Meryn "Too Old" Trant, but to me, this is just another step on her series-long quest for revenge. 

Imagine if this season's storyline continues to play out in Braavos: Arya becomes a Faceless Man assassin and just goes around Essos poisoning questionably-shady dock merchants? Nah. She's learned important lessons about becoming a killer every season so far: proper fighting technique for smaller swordsmen from Syrio... how da facking world really works from The Hound... how to become a master liar and anonymous assassin from the House of Black and White. I think she's ready to kill Meryn Fucking Trant.

• Ramsay Bolton — Ramsay might have a lock on Most Evil Bad Guy on the show. He probably had it by the time he cut Theon's weiner off, and obviously his wedding-night performance sealed the deal. But just when you think he's merely a horrible psychopath rapist woman-hunting murderer, he shows an aptitude for strategy. The Ramsay who delighted in torturing Theon wouldn't have thought to burn Stannis' weapon and food tents; he'd have probably tried to flay an officer and maybe gotten caught. Before Stannis put his family's future to the torch, Ramsay was the Guy We All Want to See Die Horribly, and he may yet, but it wouldn't surprise me if his cunning gets him out of S5 alive.

• Sansa — It's hard to really say how Sansa's character has grown this season until we see what she decides to do in the season finale. Aside from finding out that her brothers maybe possibly could perhaps be alive, she's spent the season, regrettably, as a beautiful red flower being ground into the dirt. I hope she gets some measure of happiness and/or justice next week.

• Tyrion — Here's another character whose growth is a little trickier to chart. Certainly he's back on the rise as Dany's advisor, but Peter Dinklage's beautifully-rendered look of awe, terror and slight misgiving as he watched his queen ride off on Drogon after roasting the Sons of Harpy alive — presumably the fate of quite a few Westerosi somewhere down the line — has me excited to see the future interaction between he and Dany.

• Jorah Mormont — I mean, as soon as they find out he has the greyscale, he's gonna get banished FOR THE THIRD TIME, amirite?

• Jaime Lannister — Watching two montages of Jaime and Bronn training was more exciting than the entire Dornish storyline. I got nothing. I hear some shit's about to go down with Cersei next week. Can't imagine the ol' Kingslayer will be happy about whatever it is.

• Jon Snow — Jon Snow has grown into a true leader of men this season. His own men (even though they hate him now), the Wildlings (even though he failed to convince the majority of them to come south)... actually, come to think of it, Jon Snow hasn't been much of an inspired leader this season, has he? In all seriousness, I think he's learning how difficult true leadership can be. A man taking The Black and defending the realm is supposed to be a simple, honest mission, but he has to deal with the same piles of shit as the politicians in King's Landing: some people hate you for no good reason, some people hate you for the hard decisions you make... and I'm sure it's going to happen in the finale, but it's tough to imagine Jon Snow coming back from the Hardhome Massacre and not being all, "Thanks for lettin' us in, guys. Hey, by the way: my office. Five minutes. We got some serious shiznit to talk about."

Is it a massacre if everyone who gets killed comes back from the dead? Speaking of which...

• The White Walkers — "Hardhome" cemented just what a serious threat the Walkers are. They aren't just out there. They're coming for the world of men, for whatever reason and to whatever end. They attacked Hardhome, a place from which Jon Snuh was able to sail (and hike) back to Castle Black in the span of time between episodes. The Walkers and wights presumably don't have to stop to eat or drop a deuce, so I'd say they're about two or three weeks from reaching The Wall.

What do they want—besides to kill everybody? Then again, if they wanted to kill everybody, why'd they let Jon Snuh and His Merry Band of Wildlings get away? The Walkers have shown how strong they are. Even if, for some stupid reason, they don't go into the water, the Night's King could've just grabbed a wight in each arm and heaved those bitches into Jon's canoe! Plot armor prevents that, but still... what do they want?

• Bran — Obviously, Bran is taking the season off, but I just wanna put it out there good and early (and I haven't read the books, so I'm not saying this with any knowledge)... Bran's gonna warg into one of the dragons. Fo' sho'.

Bring it on, "Mother's Mercy"!

C'mon, Tuesday Night...

'YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-EEEEEE-CO? WHOOOOOOOO!"

So after the first two seasons - and the cliffhanger second-season ending I definitely didn't see coming - I'm pretty geeked up about the season 3 premiere of Sons of Anarchy this Tuesday (10 p.m., F/X). It's pretty clear to me that the Irishman who stole Jax's baby is headed to Mexico... since he'd have to sail the whole way around South America to get back to Ireland.

Once the Sons pursue him, that puts them on Mayan turf. I gotta believe Alvarez is gonna place a call to the chapter in Tijuana or Culiacán or Tamaulipas or wherever. Then again, Clay and SAMCRO know that Alvarez got hoodwinked by the Zoebelle and his white-supremacist homeboys, and could use that to their advantage.

There's also the Clay-Jax dynamic, which needs sorting out. They made peace with one another by way of Gemma's tragic situation, but it's still bubbling under the surface. We'll have to see.

Come onnnnn, Tuesday night...

Steelers vs. Packers: It Never Felt So Good to Be At .500

WHEW!

Getting back to .500 never felt as good as this. True, it was an ugly game in which the Packers racked up yards almost at the same clip as the Steelers (final count for Big Ben, I believe, is 503 yards, 3 TDs), Mike Tomlin called for an inexplicable onside kick just as the Steelers took a 2-point lead and then managed to put together a game-winning drive thanks mainly to the Packers being the most-penalized team in the NFL.

I can't discount Ben's lights-out passing day, but consider this: Roethlisberger is having a career stat year... and the Steelers are only 7-7. A significant portion of that can be attributed to defensive injuries and the Ignominious-Yet-Ubiquitous Late-Game Defensive Breakdown, but it also speaks to a real difficulty with the run game, despite having an able running and possible rising star in Rashard Mendenhall.

Two things that Joe Buck mentioned stand out to me today (which is rare; the only thing that usually stands out is my everpresent hate of Joe Buck): Ben's career year, and the fact that not a single Steelers cornerback has had an interception this season. Not a one of 'em. That's terrible. Some of it is attributable to Polamalu being gone. He causes all kinds of havoc and - when he's not getting the INTs - opens things up for other D-backs to get INTs.

Stan Savran is describing on 'Steel City Postgame' right now how, in a massively-convoluted way, the Steelers can still squeeze into the wild-card spot. If they can win out over Baltimore and Miami, they can hand 'em both important losses. They need Denver to lose (they play the Eagles next week), and they need Jacksonville to lose (they play the Pats to close out the season).

I really don't even wanna think about it, or do the math.

So, without further ado, my dream off-season:

Gots-to-Go Situations

• William Gay - I've heard his name called too many times this season giving up big plays. He blew tackles allll day today.

• Willie Colon and possibly Max Starks - Again, their names come up every single week. Starks had an especially bad game today and has been fair-to-middling this year, but Colon specializes in the late-game, momentum-killing penalty, whether it's a false start or holding.

Probably Going

• Willie Parker - I love him, but he just hasn't been the same since he broke that leg. I have a feeling he'll probably be gone after this year.

Off-Season Moves

• Trade some combination of Colon, William Gay and Limas Sweed for one solid offensive lineman. Sweed is young, and he might have an upside yet to come, despite his "Nice hands, feet" performance this year.

• Use the draft picks to try and pick up one more solid addition to the O-line.

• This will probably never happen, because it's not the Rooneys' style, but I really think they should try and throw some cash at a shutdown corner. It's probably going to be a tough year for that; I'll admit I don't know who may be available in the offseason... but they can't go back to the days where teams just abandoned the running game and passed all day on the secondary. Rodgers went wild on 'em all day today.

• I have no solution for the special teams. Steelers just can't seem to do special teams. My only recommendation is trading for Josh Cribbs, so he can't run back two kicks every single &$^!ing game.

Steelers vs. Browns: The End of the Season is Nigh...

The proper words fail me...

So much for any chance of a Steelers Super Bowl repeat.

I started getting that sinking feeling last week with the Oakland loss. It was a slight tickle in the back of my brain when we dropped one to Kansas City, but I wrote that off as a fluke, even though really it was yet another case of Defense - Polamalu = FUBAR. And you could even rationalize The Big Gradkowski's win, what with the CBS commentators yapping on and on about Oakland being a real scrapper of a team.

But a loss to the always-hated-but-more-recently-not-even-so-much-of-a-rival-anymore Cleveland Browns, in which Roethlisberger was sacked five times in the first half? In which the Steelers put up a pathetic six points against the worst team in the NFL?

Unacceptable. To be perfectly honest, I can't even give an intelligent account of why I think they lost the game. I was too busy watching the Penguins come back twice against Montreal. And I gotta say, with the Steelers season basically over at this point barring at least three miracles, including a Lost-style plane crash involving the entire Baltimore Ravens team and David Garrard lapsing into a spontaneous sleep-induced coma, it's nice to have hockey. I haven't watched it since I was probably 15, and got back into it during the Stanley Cup runs.

As for the Steelers, I'm not sure what to say. It will be great to have Polamalu back next season, but he's getting older, and with two knee injuries in one season, I hate to say it, but I don't know how much longer he can be freewheeling around like a maniac. They have to get better players for the secondary. Bryant McFadden was a great corner during the Super Bowl run, and unfortunately, Ike Taylor's star-turn year in 2008 looks to have been a high-water mark. Tyrone Carter has done his best to try and fill Polamalu's shoes, but he's a second-stringer at best. William Gay? That's a gots-to-go situation. He fell apart trying to step up with Troy out.

On offense - and makes me weep to say it - I think Fast Willie Pee is probably moving on in one way or another. I love him, and he made me scream like a little girl in Super Bowl XL, but since the broken leg, he's just not the same. Mendenhall stepped up just the way we all hoped he would, and I'd love to see Colbert pick up a big bruiser-style back to set up Mendenhall and Moore. The receiving game is solid. I don't know if Hines is going to retire or not, but Mike Wallace and Santonio have the potential to be the best wideout combo in the league, between their shared speed and skill.

What I'd hope for in the off-season:

• At least one solid O-lineman to shore things up. Get Willie Colon outta there.

• A bigass running back, like Lendale White or Brandon Jacobs (and not ONE of them, one LIKE them)

• Help in the secondary

I've come to the unfortunate realization that the Steelers' special teams is just fucked. No matter what. They just can't get it done. I have no possible solution.

With the injuries, it's hard to call this a "hangover" season. The Steelers are just a mediocre team in a year when there are a lot of better-than-average teams, particularly in the AFC.

GO PENS!!!

Sons of Anarchy S02E11: 'Service'

His is much better-looking than the plastic one I used on Halloween... oh well...

Okay, so I skipped nine episodes when I had intended to blog the whole season, but what can I say? I just... didn't have much to say, I suppose. I will say that these last couple episodes have finally gotten me emotionally involved in this season the way I was most of the first one and during the first episode of this second one. It was gut-wrenching to watch Tig following the truck, knowing what was going to happen but hoping it wouldn't.

The spectre of the the Nation coming to town had all kinds of nasty implications, and they have indeed done some nasty, evil things, but I just haven't been as involved in this season. I care about what happens to Jax, but even Tara is hard to generate a lot of sympathy for.

As the weight of keeping her rape to herself has continued to push Gemma further and further down a dark hole - she was right a couple of episodes back... she should have brought this up earlier, just like she told Chibs at the end of last night's show. I'm not gonna say she's directly responsible for much of the bloodshed that followed the season premiere, but you saw how quickly the Jax/Clay rift healed when she finally got it out.

Speaking of getting it out, I can't believe Clay gave Tig those shrooms. He should have known better. I knew the second he ate 'em that he was gonna end up spilling the secret to Opie - who took it in remarkable stride, by the way. I thought he showed quite a bit restraint with Tig and the ATF, and a good shaming was just what Agent Stahl needed. She just blew into this little tow, fucked the deputy sheriff, tried to tear the town's tightest-knit, most dangerous family apart, and got an innocent woman killed.

Regardless, it's great to see the fam more or less back together - except for crazy-drunk-ass Piney, who it appears is still with the program - and to see them finally taking Jax's advice and doing some PLANNING... and it didn't take too much planning to figure out what the Nation was up to and how to hurt them. I'd like to see Zoebelle's daughter get some comeuppance; she helped put this whole thing in motion in the first place.

Love me some Titus Welliver. He was great in Deadwood, and even though it's tough to get though that thick-ass brogue sometimes, I like him here as well. The preview next week of every gang in northern L.A. pointing gats at one another looks great. Two episodes left!

Sons of Anarchy S02E01: 'Albification'

'Look da fuck out, Peg Bundy... it's about to be some shit...'

(WARNING: SECOND SEASON TOPICS DISCUSSED AHEAD)

My sister got me the first season of Sons of Anarchy for my birthday. I hadn't watched it when it was in its original run, having finally gotten some free Tuesday nights with The Shield being over. But I'm always down to check out a promising new TV series, and Sons was pretty sweet. Not only that, but the producer/creator, Kurt Sutter, was an exec producer on The Shield, AND he brought the One-Niners gang with him to the show, technically putting the two shows in the same fictional universe.

This, of course, has me slobbering for Shield cameos. Clearly, Vic Mackey's not going to show up on an ICE bust.
That would be too obvious. But I would love for Sutter to reintroduce Tavon, from the Shield's third season, as a new cop in Charming. It would make for some pretty sweet drama.

Then again, there's plenty of drama as is... especially for poor Peg Bundy, who was the victim of a horrifying, brutal gang-rape on the season two premiere. All I could think of the first time I watched it was that Sutter and Katey Sagal are married, and how exactly would you bring this scene up? "Heeeey honey, so look, this season, you take care of the baby some more, stir the pot with Hellboy aaaaaaand oh yeah, you get gang-raped by Henry Rollins."

"Wha...?"

Actually, I think the introduction of Rollins and Alan Arkin's kid as the League of American Nationalists (or, in Clay Morrow's words, "Nice car, shiny suit, all your teeth... you must be the top of the Aryan food chain.") as a threat to the club's monopoly on Charming is a brilliant plot move. When the last season ended (don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it), you were left hating at least two members of the club. The situation the pair fomented is definitely going to run throughout season two, but the League storyline does an interesting thing: it introduces a group that's worse than anyone else. Darby is a hardhead criminal, and Rollins' AJ Weston character basically calls him out as a Nazi poser ("I'd button your shirt... you haven't earned it."), and despite Clay and Tig's big sin, these League guys represent a threat to the whole club... to Jax's vision of it AND Clay's. It's something the club can unite behind.

I'm curious as to how Gemma is going to handle the gang-rape, in terms of telling Clay. If she just comes out and tells him, I gotta believe it's all-out war, and then the League storyline is over after a few episodes. I gotta believe she's going to cover it up until either she's found out, or found  way to make it suit her purpose. 

Notes:

• I still don't like Deputy Hale. He's just too Mayberry. Needs a new haircut, or maybe unbutton that top button... loosen up or SOMEthing.

• Henry Rollins is the perfect Aryan shithead. He just sits there all tattooed and scary-looking, and talks in a very reasonable-sounding voice.

• Arkin's kid, however, is not all that convincing. First off, he doesn't look the part, and he just seems too nice. Maybe they'll shatter that façade in upcoming episodes.

• Half-Sack: "You guys didn't really mean you want me to-"/Clay: "GETOUT!!!" BWAAAA HA HA HA... Half-Sack gets all the best lines ("Yeah, that's real great, guys... just shoot off the one good nut I got left. Thanks.")