Monday, December 1, 2008

On the Strange Saga of Plaxico 'Thugnificent' Burress...

"This is the straw that breaks the hater's camel's back, n*gga!" - Thugnificent

As a lifelong Steeler fan, I was struck by a mixture of sadness and hilarity at the news that Plaxico Burress had fumbled his loaded .40-caliber as it fell out his sweatpants and shot himself in the thigh. 

When he was with Pittsburgh, Burress had yet to reach his mega-stupid pinnacle, but looking back over his whole career - which might be over once the inevitable NFL suspension comes down... my guess? He ends up in Oakland - he has slowly worked his way up to the level of Inept Fake-Ass Thug rather quickly.

During his time as a Steeler, Burress was known locally for putting himself ahead of the team at every possible opportunity. Nationally, he gained attention when, in a moment of pure ego-stroking stupidity, he caught a pass, got a first down, went to the ground untouched, then promptly jumped up and spiked the ball... which the opposing team recovered for a turnover.

My favorite, though, was the Mother's Day incident. The Steelers started their '04 mini-camp the weekend of May 18, and after spending the off-season up to that point bitching about his contract (a common theme, as it would turn out), he didn't bother to show up, then cried to the media that the team was "inconsiderate" in having a minicamp during Mother's Day weekend, "especially since there's three other weekends in May."

But he truly began to enter Thugnificent mode when he hit the bright lights of NYC. From disrespecting team rules to missing practices and now, busting a cap in his own ass and facing two felony counts, with even the New York City mayor calling for his motherfuckin' head.

It's actually sad, because he should be one of the top three receivers in the whole NFL. He's always had the talent, but he's squandered much of it in the pursuit of trying to be some sort of bootleg Slim Charles.

Not to mention that he forgot the most important street-cred rule of being shot... walk with a limp, fool:

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